No More Gifts
by Xanderholic
Summary: In the aftermath of tragedy, one man struggles to go on (The Gift Spoilers. Xander's POV). Mostly B/X, Some X/A. *Chapter 2 Online*
1. Prologue

Title: No More Gifts  
By: Xanderholic  
  
Description: In the aftermath of tragedy, one man struggles to go on (The Gift Spoilers. Xander's POV). Mostly B/X, Some X/A.  
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up until the brilliant 100th episode, The Gift.  
Relationships: Mostly B/X, some X/A, W/T  
Rating: PG-13. Doesn't seem too bad now, but it'll be PG-13 by the next chapter, and maybe even R later on.  
Distrubution: Feel free to put this fic on your site. I'd love to see ppl enjoy it enough to do it. The only thing I ask, is if you do put it on your site, send an email over to jerichoholic@extremesurvival.net giving me the link to you site so I can check it out.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy, or any of the characters within her universe. They all belong to the evil genious, Joss Whedon, and the bastards at Mutant Enemy ;). Please don't sue me, all I own is a pencil, a piece of paper, and a wild imagination. ;) :D  
Author's Notes: Remember, feedback is the window to the soul. Well, that's full of shit, but it's still really nice to read that ppl like your fics. Anyhow, this story, is the product of an insane B/X shipper who is guessing how the hell Xander copes after "the death". Ever since the conclusion of The Gift, everybody has been writing stories about the aftermath of it. 99% of those stories are from Spike or Dawn's perspective. What's shocked me, is I have not found one fic about the guy who was probably the most effected, next to Dawn, Xander. Buffy was his best friend, and his first love, and she dies, and everyone forgets about their entire past, and how Xander will probably feel about all this. That's where I come in. This is just the prologue to what I am hoping to become a long, and good series. Starts just as Buffy has fallen back to the earth and the gang gathered around her in the gift. denotes thoughts of every other character besides Xander. * * denotes word emphases. [ ] denotes flashbacks.  
  
  
No More Gifts  
  
  
I'm in love with Buffy Summers.  
I know what you're thinking. What about Anya? I thought you loved her. Well that is also true. I truly love Anya with all my soul.  
But I am still in love with Buffy.  
I tried to put her behind me. I tried to deny it. I tried to move on. But Buffy will always hold my heart, even in death.  
  
As I think, I am looking at the body of my first love. I can barely move. I can barely think. The only thing in my mind right now is the fact that I have finally relised the truth no matter how much I have attempted to put it behind me, and move on, in the last few years  
  
["You Love Her," Angel says while looking directly into my eyes. It isn't a question, it's straight out statement.  
"Don't You?"]  
  
Then, relization kicks in. I didn't save her. After all these years of trying to protect her, I failed her. I think that was all that kept me going for the last few years. The fact that she depended on me, that she trusted me to help her till the end. And, I failed her.  
  
["Buffy's White Knight. It must just kill you that I got there first."]  
  
I don't know what to do. I don't think I can live without her. Normally, at this time, I would spew out a witty comment, trying to calm the air. That is my defense mechinism. And after that, I'd probably do something stupid, to take out my pain. But, I can't even do those. I am frozen. I can finally think again, but I can't move. I can barely even breathe. I am only able to do things that my body naturely does for me.  
  
["Whenever I'm only, and afraid, I just think, 'What Would Buffy Do?'. You're my hero"]  
  
She depended on me. She needed me to bring her back. I was there for her last time. But this time I wasn't. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I don't even know if I can survive, I don't know if I WANT TO survive. Without her, I just feel like a part of me is missing. Things will never be the same again. And I'm not sure I want to go on without her... 


	2. Emptiness

Title: No More Gifts - Emptiness  
By: Xanderholic  
  
Description: In the aftermath of tragedy, one man struggles to go on (The Gift Spoilers. Xander's POV). Mostly B/X, Some X/A.  
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up until the brilliant 100th episode, The Gift.  
Relationships: Mostly B/X, some X/A, W/T  
Rating: PG-13.  
Distrubution: Feel free to put this fic on your site. I'd love to see ppl enjoy it enough to do it. The only thing I ask, is if you do put it on your site, send an email over to jerichoholic@extremesurvival.net giving me the link to you site so I can check it out.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy, or any of the characters within her universe. They all belong to the evil genious, Joss Whedon, and the bastards at Mutant Enemy ;). Please don't sue me, all I own is a pencil, a piece of paper, and a wild imagination. ;) :D  
Author's Notes: First of all, thanks to EVERYONE has has reviewed this fic over the last 2 days. I wasn't expecting many to review it, and I definently wasn't expecting all of those reviews to be positive, so it really makes me feel good to see ppl enjoying this. Keep up the reviews :)! Next, sorry if this isn't as good as the prologue, I had a lot of trouble writing this one. I had an idea set in my head, but I was having a lot of trouble with all the dialogue "Xander's Visitor" has in this chapter. And it ended up being shorter than I intended, but the next one will probably be long. So, sorry if you don't like this one very much, but I guarrentee the next chapter will be great! This one starts about 2 weeks after the death of Buffy. Signals are a little different this time around, cause I figured, since it's Xander's pov, other ppl won't be thinking, so denotes what is said and seen in the video (You'll understand what I mean by that in the next chapter). * * denotes word emphases. [ ] denotes flashbacks.  
  
  
No More Gifts  
Emptiness  
  
I've been in this room for the last 2 weeks. First thing I did when I got home that night, was go into my room, and I have not come out since. I just cannot face the world. It's like I've been emptied of all emotions but grief and disbelief. I know everyone is worried. Willow, Tara, Dawn, and Giles have visited every day. Hell, even Spike has come. If someone told me a month ago that Spike would ever give a shit about my life, I would've probably yelled at them for insulting my intellegence.  
  
Anya is the most worried, naturely. I've heard her cry herself to sleep every night, a small part because of Buffy, but mostly because her own fiancee won't even talk to her. I wish I could be there for her, but I can barely be here for myself.  
  
"Xander! Someone is here to see you!" I hear my fiancee yell.  
  
Great, who will it be this time? Don't get me wrong, I love Willow, Tara, Giles, and especially Dawn, but I can't face anyone right now. Most of the time when they come here, they just talk to me, while I just stare straight at the wall. I can barely move, let alone converse with visitor. Then I see *him* walking into the room...  
  
"Get the *hell* out of here!" I say to this him.  
  
"Hey, I'm just here to offer my condolences and try to get you out of this depression. I want to help you. All your friends called me, and knowing our, well, not so good history, they think I can get you to at least show some emotions, if only anger," Angel replies to me.  
  
Great, just what I need, my 'friends' invite Deadboy here. Just great.  
  
"I don't need any of your damn help!"  
  
"Xander, I already know we don't exactly like each other. But your friends need you! You can't close yourself up from the world. Trust me, I have experience in that."  
  
No shit, all mighty master of brooding.  
  
"Deadboy, let me get one thing straight to you. I *don't like you*. Everyone else may have forgiven you for all the shit you did, but I *haven't*. And you wanna know why I am closing myself up. Fine. I loved her! I could have saved her. I *should* have saved her. I did it once before, and I could've done it again. Fucking Spike did more for her in the end than I did! Buffy's White Knight my ass! In the end, she hated me. In the past, I have saved her many times. But this time, I *didn't*!"  
  
There it is. 2 weeks worth of pent up emotion coming out. That felt pretty good to get it out actually.  
  
"It wasn't your fault. Nobody could've done anything. And she *never* hated you. She told me many times that you were her best friend. But right now, your friends need you. After Willow told me about her death, she told me about how you were acting and how everyone was responding to it. Willow is just stressing out. Yes, she is strong, but you were one of the main reasons why she got so strong, and when she sees you like this, she is going back to the stressful girl that she once was. Giles said he feels like he lost and daughter *and* a son! You, Buffy, Willow, all of you were his kids in his mind. And he can't handle the loss of Buffy and you! Buffy's really gone, and he can't handle it if you separate from him. Anya love you. Simple as that. And she can't stand to see you suffering. And Dawn......"  
  
Dawn, oh shit, I was stressing so much about Buffy that I completly forgot about Dawn.  
  
"Dawn is a wreck. She is stressed out, she is worried, she is reacting the same way you are. She needs you, and you probably need her too. Help her, so you can help yourself."  
  
I never thought I'd say this, but at this moment, Angel has given me a new thing to help me live through life. Dawn. She has no guardian. I already love her as much as life itself, and me and Anya are engaged, which is something that looks good on an adoption paper.....  
  
I realize the answer at that point. I am going adopt Dawn. I couldn't stand to see her in a home. I can't believe it, but deadboy is right. I need her, and she needs me.  
  
"And, just because Buffy is dead, doesn't mean there isn't a way to get her back..."  
  
*WHAT?!?!?*  
  
------------------------  
To Be Continue.......  
  



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